I was really torn about whether or not to enter this post, but I'm going to do it! Let me quote John Mayer, "Say what you need to say."
Its been 3 years since I had "The Big C". 3 years ago at this time I was finishing up my last chemo treatment. 3 years ago I was bald! Seriously? Did that happen to me? Wow! I can't believe how fast time flies. It seems so long ago but also seems so recent. So much has happened in 3 years. I wonder, "Can I look back on my life and love it?" Or hate it? I look back at these past few years and I love it! I love the life I have, and the life I've been given. I am so grateful. Its not a perfect life, which is perfect for a person who is SOoooo NOT perfect! I have so much to be grateful for! Its hard to say that chemotherapy is a good thing but it is. It healed me. I'm grateful for my surgeons. I'm grateful for my doctors and nurses. I'm grateful that I don't have to see them as often. What a relief. I'm grateful that my daughter won't have to go through this because medical advances will find a cure. There is a cure for everything. Sometimes its not the ideal cure, but its good enough. Sometimes a walk or a cookie is a cure for a bad day because your kids woke up during the night and you're really tired. There is goodness and joy in everything that is bad. We can have positive experiences during the hardest times of our lives. Its okay to cry! I'm a crier and that is just how I am. It's okay to cry even though it lets down your guard.
There are moments when I don't feel so good about my life. When I feel this way, I have to get down on my knees and pray. Every time I pray the Holy Ghost tells me the same thing every time..."Kyle. You have Kyle"
I don't know who got the worst end of the stick, me or Kyle. I don't know if the cancer was harder on Kyle or me? Actually, I know the answer to that question- it was definitely harder on Kyle. I know the Lord carried me through the hard times. He blessed me with the perfect guy to help carry me. He gave me Kyle. He gave me a man who would love me through thick and thin. A man who would love me unconditionally. A man who would love me for all my imperfections. Kyle is my rock! He is my best friend. Everything I love about my life is because of Kyle.
ThEn AnD noW
