Last month, I suggested to Kyle that he should go tanning before our cruise. He replied, "No, thanks. Its not my thing." I laughed because that is such a guy thing to say. I told him he should tan so he won't burn while on the cruise. You would think that as dark as he is and with his olive skin tone that he wouldn't burn but he does! During the summer he cakes on the sun screen-which is good- but he still burns. So finally after hours of "communicating" he said he will go tanning. A month goes by and he still hasn't gone tanning. Now its one week before the cruise and he decides, "OH! I need to start tanning."
Well its Monday night and he goes to Golden Tan. He pulls into the parking lot and freezes up. He won't go in. He calls me at home and says, "There are so many people inside. Its going to take forever. I don't want to do this." I reply, "Just go in. Tanning is only a few minutes. They will be done soon." He goes in.
FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER he comes home. I am shocked that it has taken him so long. He walks into the house with the angriest face I have ever seen-which does not happen often. He was sooooo mad and said he would never go back ever again. This is what happened.
He goes up to the gal, "NIkki" (perfect name for a tanning salon employee) and says, "Im a tanning VIRGIN and I want to go from PASTEY TO TASTEY" Are you kidding me?! Did he really say that? YES! She tells him to do the high pressure bed. He calls me to find out if that is the right bed, "Yes, it is" THen Nikki tells him about their monthly special and its $80. Kyle went cross-eyed but then said YES, I will buy the pass." Nikki then proceeds to tell Kyle about her fabulous lotions. " You have to wear lotion....would you brush your teeth without toothpaste?" Kyle sees her point and says he will buy some lotion. She makes him smell several bottles and he said, "Okay fine. I will buy a this lotion" She says that will be 110. He said, "wow, only a dollar?" "um no, one hundred and ten dollars." Well, toothpaste doesn't cost more than five dollars" He said, "No! but I will buy a sample pack for 4 dollars. She rings him up and then takes him back to the "HIGH PRESSURE" BED......
Nikki explains the details of the bed and how it works. Kyle asks, "Do I go full monte?" "Why Yes, you do" (awkward). Kyle undresses and gets into the bed (of course after Nikki leaves the room). Five minutes goes by and the bed POPS open. He starts pushing buttons trying to get the bed to close but nothing is working. He gets out and puts his clothes back on. He goes to the front desk and tells Nikki, "My bed popped open" "HUH? What? No way? (in her valley girl voice). Are you serious?" So they walk back to the room and she pushes more buttons and tells Kyle to get back in the bed and it shouldn't happen again. Nikki leaves. Kyle undresses again and gets back into the bed. Sure enough, ten minutes goes by and POP! The bed opens up again. Kyle didn't want to get dressed AGAIN so he peeks his head out the door and yells, "Help! Help! I need some help back here. Hello! can someone help me? Something is wrong with my bed....hello....hello....hello" Finally he gets a reply. But its not from Nikki- its from the lady in the next bed. She tells Kyle to SHUT-UP and stop yelling.
By now, Kyle has had it! He was so mad. He gets dressed. Marches to the front desk. Looks at Nikki and says, "I want my money back. Your bed is broken. This is not for me." Nikki, "What? (valley girl voice) What? Was that you yelling?" "Ah,Yes. Thanks for helping me. and I would like my money back please" Nikki says, "uummm.... I am not authorized to do that. I will have to call head-quarters to get approval."
"Whatever" Kyle leaves.
Kyle comes home and I ask how the tanning went. He replies, "Well, which side?" "Huh? What do you mean 'which side'?" In a sarcastic voice he says, "Only half of my body got a tan."
Poor Kyle! Im so sorry he didn't have a good first experience tanning. But in the end, I talked him into going to Electric Beach and he has gone from "PASTEY to TASTEY"
